Fellowship of the Philologists
by Elf Eye
Summary: Erestor leads Elladan and Elrohir through a linguistic labyrinth.
1. It's a Problem

Fellowship of the Philologists

Chapter 1: It's a problem.

What follows is a light-hearted lesson in word-wrangling.  Erestor is the unfortunate first-born charged with leading Elrohir and Elladan through the linguistic labyrinth of Common Speech.  Today the elderly elf is helping them distinguish between the pronoun _its and the contraction _it's_.  Enjoy._

Erestor frowned as he studied the parchment that Elrohir had just handed him.  "Elrohir, let's review the question that you had to solve.  Each regiment is made up of one-hundred twelve Orcs.  The entire army consists of twelve regiments.  You were asked to find the total number of Orcs, and you have written here that the total is one-thousand two-hundred and forty-four.  Do you see what the problem is?"

            "Um, too many Orcs?"  Elrohir replied hesitantly.  Elladan sniggered.

            "No, troll-brain, too few!  At least, too few in your answer.  The correct answer is one-thousand three-hundred and forty-four.  You forgot to carry!"

            "Yeah, well, I don't like carrying Orcs!" Elrohir shot back.

            "Enough of the bickering," Erestor scolded.  "Perhaps that is enough mathematics for one day.  Let us turn now to language arts.  I have read the essays that you composed in the Common Speech, and I must say that you would be laughed out of Edoras if you ever showed up with a trade proposal filled with so many errors!  You simply must pay more attention to their system of pronouns."

            "Oh, Erestor," moaned Elrohir.  "Their pronouns are so confusing.  Why can't everyone speak Elvish?"

            "I'm sure they think Elvish is just as confusing.  In any event, you must learn to deal with people throughout Middle Earth, and that means studying their histories, their cultures, _and_ their languages."

            Both elflings had pained expressions on their faces, but Erestor was inexorable.

            "Today we are going to review the possessive pronoun _its_.   You two keep tossing in unnecessary apostrophes whenever you try to use that pronoun."

            "But, Erestor," protested Elladan, "you said that the apostrophe is used in the Common Speech to indicate possession!"

            "Only with nouns, Elladan.  With nouns, it helps a little bit in distinguishing between the possessive and the plural.  For example, you write _horses if you are talking about more than one horse, but you write __horse's if you are trying to show that a horse possesses something."_

"Such as a _horse's mane?"_

"That is correct, Elrohir."

Elrohir smirked at Elladan.

"And if the noun already ends in _s because it's plural, you just add an apostrophe at the end—isn't that right, Erestor?"_

"Very good, Elrohir.  Let's say an elf owns a bow.  That would be the _elf's bow_.  Now let's say a number of elves own bows.  We've added a plural ending to turn _elf_ into _elves.  Now we'll simply add the apostrophe: the _elves' bows_.  We don't write the __elves's__ bows.  After all, you don't hear people saying "elveses bows."_

"Estel does—and he's a human," giggled Elladan.

Erestor smiled.  "That's true, Elladan, but Estel is only a baby.  Babies make that sort of error until they can sort out both the fact that there are patterns to a language and that there seem to be exceptions to those patterns.  Babies pick up the patterns, but only older children know when to apply the exceptions."

"Like me," gloated Elrohir.

"Hmph," snorted Elladan, "you _still can't carry your Orcs!"_

"Alright," said Erestor mildly, "let's stick to our possessives.  We use the apostrophe and, in many cases, an _s to show when a noun is possessive.  But possessive pronouns are different.  Would you add an apostrophe to __his?  Write _his_ with an apostrophe and see if it looks right."_

Elrohir and Elladan each hastily scrawled the word on their parchments: _hi's_.

"Well, does it look right?"

"No!" chorused the twins.

"So the pronoun _his is possessive just as it is?"_

"Yes!" chorused the twins.

"Treat the pronoun _its__ the same way you treat the pronoun __his.  The pronoun _its _is possessive just as it is.  In fact, if you add an apostrophe to the pronoun _its_, you are going to cause confusion, because there already is an _it___'s in the Common Speech—it's just not a possessive pronoun.  Instead, _it's_ is a contraction—an abbreviated form of _it is_.  A good way to discover whether you need an apostrophe is to substitute _it is _for _it's_.  If the sentence still makes sense, you have a contraction and you can leave in the apostrophe.  If it doesn't make sense, the word is a possessive pronoun, and you should drop the apostrophe.  Let's try it:  Write out this sentence with an apostrophe in the __its: __The balrog stretched it's wings._

The twins bent their heads over their parchments and wrote for a moment.

"Now, tell me, Elrohir and Elladan, would it make sense to read that sentence as _The__ balrog stretched it is wings?"_

Both elflings grimaced and shook their heads.

"So the apostrophe doesn't belong in that sentence, does it?"

"No," the twins agreed.

"Now, before I dismiss you for archery practice, I want each of you to compose one sentence that correctly uses the pronoun _its_ and another sentence that correctly uses the contraction _it's."_

The twins returned their attention to their parchments and wrote for a few minutes.

"Ready, Elladan?  Good.  Then let's have your sentence with the pronoun _its."_

"The Orc dropped _its_ sword."

"Correct.  And now your sentence with the contraction _it's?"_

"It's time for our archery lesson."

"Ah, um, yes, that sentence does contain the contraction.  Elrohir?"

"I've just thought of a sentence that has both the contraction _and_ the possessive.

"Have you?  Very well, Elrohir.  Let's hear it."

"_It's a good thing that the Orc dropped __its sword."_

"Very good, Elrohir, very good indeed."

"Yeah, Elrohir," chimed in Elladan, "if you can't keep track of Orcs, you'd better _hope_ they drop their swords."

Erestor cradled his head in his hands and sighed as Elrohir leaped from his seat and chased his twin out the door.  "Why, oh, why," he moaned, "won't Elrond let me resume patrolling with Glorfindel?  I would rather face a ravenous Orc than another possessive pronoun!"

Next up: _defiantly_ faces off against _definitely._


	2. Definitely Defiant

Chapter 2

Definitely Defiant

            Elrohir and Elladan sighed in tandem as they waited for their tutor Erestor.  Why, oh, why, did they have to be stuck inside the library at Rivendell on such a lovely day?    Not only was the weather fine, but a group of Dwarves had arrived just the night before, and the twins knew that a priceless opportunity to skulk and plot was slipping by.  Dwarves didn't happen into Imladris on a daily basis; it might be months before the twins had another chance at Dwarf-baiting.   Moreover, the Dwarves were accompanied by a Periannath, a short, tubby little being who dwelled in a land to the north, near the Gray Havens.  Elrohir and Elladan had never seen a Periannath and were chafing at the thought that a language lesson stood between them and the fulfillment of their curiosity.

            "Ah, I see that you have arrived early," exclaimed Erestor in surprise as he entered the room.

            "We are anxious to get started so that we can get finished!" the twins declared in unison.

            "Well, elflings, if you truly want to get through your language lessons quickly, then don't make so many errors in your essays.  I have just finished reading your stories about your trip to Mirkwood, and I must say that I am disappointed."

            "But, Erestor, we worked reeeally hard on our essays, honestly."

            "Reeeally hard?"

            "Yes," insisted Elrohir, "we _defiantly worked reeeally, reeeeally hard!"_

            Erestor smirked.  "Oh, you _defiantly_ worked reeeally, reeeeally hard?"

            "Erestor," Elladan complained, "stop repeating whatever we say.  It's _defiantly irritating."_

            "_Defiantly_?  Are you sure?"

            "Yes," shouted Elrohir, "_defiantly_!"

            "That puts me in mind of one of your sentences, Elrohir," said Erestor.  "Look here, where you are describing your encounters with Mirkwood spiders.  You state that Legolas is afraid of the spiders, a fact, I might add, that you seem to find excessively amusing.  You write, "Legolas was _defiantly terrified at the sight of the enormous arachnids."_

            "Well, he _was," replied Elrohir stubbornly.  "You could __defiantly tell he was scared because he always said it was time for his archery lesson whenever we saw one.  Then he would run away.  I think _that's_ why Legolas is such a good shot; he gets a lot of practice because he is always running away from spiders!"_

            "Be that as it may, Elrohir, Legolas is _definitely_ not _defiantly terrified of spiders."_

            Elrohir gaped at Erestor and blushed.  "Oh, um, is that because Legolas is _definitely_ terrified of spiders?"

            "Assuming that Legolas _is_ indeed afraid of spiders, yes, he would be _definitely_ terrified of spiders.  You see, Elrohir—and you listen up, too, Elladan—_defiantly refers to the behavior of someone who bravely opposes something without wavering.  Let's say that you were surrounded by Orcs.  The situation seems hopeless, but you are determined to resist to the end.  You are _defiantly _facing your foes.  Would you say that Legolas demonstrated such a bold spirit when he ran from the spiders?"_

            "No," smirked Elrohir.

            "So he was not defiant; that is, he was not acting _defiantly?"_

            The twins giggled.  "No!"

            "So you believe that he was certainly afraid?"

            "Yes!" shouted the gleeful twins.

            "Well, _definitely_ has a meaning along the lines of 'certainly'.  Another way to say that Legolas is certainly afraid of spiders is to state that he is _definitely _afraid of spiders."

            "But, Elrohir," Elladan smirked, "in the example of the Orcs, you _could say that the person was _definitely_ _defiantly _facing the Orcs!"_

            Elrohir had to smile, "Yes, in that case you could say that someone who boldly confronts Orcs is certainly bold and headstrong—definitely defiant, that is.  But be serious and master this lesson—after all, you _do want to finish this lesson so that you can run off in search of those Dwarves, don't you?"_

"Oh, we _definitely do," grinned Elrohir.  "But, Elrohir, I, um, _definitely_ have a question.  I wrote my story while we were still in Mirkwood, and on the way back we stopped in Lothlórien.  One day I held my story up to Galadriel's mirror.  Why didn't the mirror notice that I was confusing _definitely_ and __defiantly?"_

"Excellent question, Elrohir.  You must not put too much trust in devices like magic mirrors.  Such mirrors have their limitations.  Both _definitely and __defiantly are spelled correctly in and of themselves, and the mirror will not probe beneath appearances.  You two must understand the circumstances yourselves and exercise your own judgment when you are choosing your words.  Do you understand?"_

"Yes, Erestor," we _certainly_ understand," said Elrohir.

"Oh, _positively," added Elladan._

In that case, I want each of you to compose two sentences.  In one, you must _definitely_ illustrate the correct use of _definitely_; in the other, you must _definitely _illustrate the correct use of _defiantly_.  Do you understand?

"Oh, yes," the twins assured him.

"Do you _definitely understand?"  Erestor was having more fun with this lesson than he had expected._

Elrohir and Elladan rolled their eyes.  "Yes, we _certainly, _positively_, and _assuredly _ understand!"_

The two elflings bent over their parchment for several minutes.

"I'm ready," announced Elladan, straightening his shoulders.

"Very well.  Your example of _definitely_?"

"I _definitely wish that we did not have to study the difference between _definitely_ and _defiantly_."_

Bemused, Erestor nevertheless nodded.  "That is _definitely a valid example.  Now your example of __defiantly?"_

"The elfling _defiantly_ refused to let his brother steal his new bow, even though his brother pushed him and threatened to throw him to the wargs."

"That is _definitely a lie," shouted Elladan._

            "Oh, yeah?" Elrohir shot back, "I bet you won't talk so _defiantly_ when Ada gets ahold of you!"

            "I think," said Erestor, "that this exchange demonstrates that the two of you certainly, positively, assuredly—not to mention definitely—understand the difference between _definitely and _defiantly_.  You may be excused."_

            The twins disappeared virtually instantaneously.  Within an hour, mused Erestor, they would be up to mischief—definitely, of course.


End file.
